Having been off work for a week, I’ve forgotten what it was like. Here are a few of the folks I’m going back to. But I’m not of course. These are figments of my imagination, and all similarities to individuals living or deadly are entirely coincidental.
One word. Plastics. The Graduate gets it. Instantly. He’s used to being the brightest person in the room, and is frustrated by what he sees as stupidity, arrogance and bullshit all around him. Everywhere. All the time. The fascinating thing about working with the Graduate is how someone so bright can be so stupid. The Graduate fails to contextualise his knowledge and he cannot read between lines or see shades of grey. He has no concept of experience, and dismisses other peoples’ caution as stupidity. He’s vastly impressed by himself, and is in denial about the fact that no-one else is. Female Graduates tend to be very pretty, and the brighter ones end up either as super-bitches or netball players.
This woman has balls of steel. She delivers the goods and does not care who or what gets in the way. She’s Ms Perfection, so she’s physically attractive in photographs. In person, the combination of perfection and focus can be off-putting. You’d rather not imagine her having sex: the thought is frankly frightening. On the other hand, if you do hear her talking to her beloved on the phone she often sounds like a completely different human being. Make that “like a human being”. She’s nowhere near as resentful of men as the Netball Player. Why bother? She’s overtaking them effortlessly anyway.
The dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. He’s probably a really nice bloke, and if he’s senior enough to send out updates to entire mailing lists then he’ll be all laddish and matey and finish up with a comment on the football. The thing is, he’s not a lad and you’re certainly not his mate. In his world, work’s for work, home’s for home, friends and colleagues never mix. This ability to compartmentalise means that he’s may well run a discreet mistress for years, though whether he bores the pants off her or charms them off varies from dull boy to dull boy. At work, though, he shows no sense of humour. He doesn’t see why thanking people or upbraiding them in public is any different from doing so in private. He’s effective at what he does, but comes across as a teutonic version of Mr Spock.