Fireworks and funerals

I want to be a firework when I grow up.

More accurately, I want to be a firework when I die.

Spiritually, I prefer the idea of burial, of gently turning back to the earth from whence I came, and all that. But I am damned if I am going to be dug up again to make room for a housing estate, or to have my thigh-bone measured by archaeologists, or grave-robbers, as I prefer to call them. So when the time comes I wish to be cremated. But that’s rather dull. I want my ashes to be packed into fireworks; great big jolly purple ones like alliums, ones that go ”whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” or, better, ones that go “BANG! – whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and hang around in the air for five or ten seconds in a slowly expanding sphere.

People can, and presumably do, do the most extraordinary things with their relatives remains, from turning them into diamonds, to burying them in coffins painted to look like parcels and labled “return to sender”.

But, me, I want my ashes scattered, and scattered in a jolly, noisy and cheerful way.

Mulled wine, anyone?

4 responses to “Fireworks and funerals

  1. I love this idea. Can you imagine the sooty goodness such funerals would provide? It gives new meaning to why we wear black to funerals. Well done!

  2. I’m fairly sure this could be easily achieved – there is probably a company on t’internet that will do it for you. I love the idea too! Will have to tell J about it so he knows. Saw some fab ones this weekend that were a huge purple sphere with a smaller pink sphere inside it – it banged and fizzed.

    Er, how long do medical students keep your body for after you’ve donated it for them to play with? And is it too pickled to cremate afterwards? Do the bits actually go back to the family in the end for cremating/creating incendiary devices/whatever?

  3. I don’t think I’d object to going ‘BANG – wheeeeee’ after I’d died, either. The only problem would be that I wouldn’t be there to see it. Plus I’m dull and conventional, so a common or garden cremation will probably do.

  4. I LOVE the idea of going out with a bang! Making cremation exciting!

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