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Category Errors #1 - Pre-Nup discussions
Posted by Aphra Behn on December 21, 2006
I am fine with all the questions in this NYT list of Things To Discuss Before Marriage - very wise and prudent they are too. I did in fact discuss all of this and more with the former Mr Behn before I jumped over the broomstick with him. Didn’t make a jot of difference in the end, but there you go.
So there I was reading this and checking them off in my mind - have I Discussed this with the One I Discuss These Things With? But then my mental train jumped the track for a minute:
- check
- check
- check
- check
- check
- check
- huh……….? I mean …………? HUH…………?
I am sure that relationships deteriorate into acrimony and end awash in bitterness because of this. It used to be toothpaste tubes before they were plastic and you couldn’t squeeze them in the middle; and of course times change.
But is it me, or is #7 in a completely different category from all the others?
December 22, 2006 at 12:52 am
Yes because it is so specific and trivial when compared to the other questions on the list — questions that deal with bigger issues that relate to how a person approaches sex, religion/spirituality, family and the basics of how a relationship will work.
But… I also think that the question being asked is not expressed at all well. Perhaps if the question had been something like “Have we discussed how we will deal with disagreements over trivial matters, such as whether televisions belong in the bedroom?” is may not have appeared out of place. Quite often the most acrimonious disagreements are sparked by arguments over what really are trivial matters. And yes, my husband and I have discussed whether there will be a television in the bedroom. There is but it doesn’t work.
December 22, 2006 at 11:01 am
Perhaps that one is a bit, ah, personal for the author?
December 22, 2006 at 11:40 am
It didn’t occur to us to discuss any of these issues, let alone the tv in the bedroom, and here we are, twenty-nine years later, rubbing along quite nicely most of the time.
We’re either lucky, tolerant - or maybe just lazy.
He says he knew I was the one when he realised I knew more filthy jokes than he did.