not 
Faking it - who’d f*** Germane Greer or Fay Weldon anyway?
Posted by Aphra Behn on November 23, 2006
Are they taking the piss, these feminist icons?
The Times, today:
Weldon recommends that a good woman should fake her orgasms “and then leap out of bed and pour him champagne, telling him: ‘You are so clever’. ”
We moan and groan to make our man feel good, much as a man will tell his date that she’s the prettiest girl in the room. It’s just good manners.
Weldon is certainly right to say that there is no point in a woman demanding an orgasm from her man. If an orgasm is what she wants, rather than intimacy, there’s always the Rabbit.
All of the above from Ms Greer in today’s Times.
What
complete
bull
shit.
I have never faked an orgasm in my life for three very simple reasons
- It is way too much like hard work - do you honestly think I’d expend that much energy if I didn’t have to?
- Why reinforce bad habits? If you reward what doesn’t work, you’ll never get what does.
- Sod “bad manners” - I don’t lie about other aspects of my relationship, what on earth makes it ok to lie about orgasms?
I’ve never liked Germane Greer for no particularly good reason, I’ve just never liked her. Or Fay Weldon for that matter. This all kinda suggests a good reason why. And what is it with the term “good” woman? It does give me some satisfaction to think that they spent the 60s fucking like, well, like rabbits, but faking like their mothers.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t firing off Big Ones from an early age. Far from it. I was nearer 40 than 30 before I’d worked through my hang-ups enough for someone with a useful combination of skill, tenderness and generosity to find the blue touch paper.
The orgasms I have on my own just aren’t the same. Sorry, Ms Weldon, sorry Ms Greer, but it really makes all the difference when it is someone else’s fingers doing the walking. When I do it myself it is like telling myself a joke, or tickling myself. It just doesn’t do it the same way. Or at all, a lot of the time.
I dunno. If I’d read this a few years ago, then maybe I’d have accepted its rather bleak counsel, but it seems to me that if we fake orgasms when we are with men, then we have only ourselves to blame if they carry on doing what they think pleases us.
This is presented as good manners and convenience, but this is the counsel of low self-esteem.
No.
Sorry. My ego matters too.
And so does my orgasm.
November 24, 2006 at 12:07 am
*applause*
Honestly how are we supposed to get it right if you don’t tell us when we have..
November 24, 2006 at 2:41 pm
I quite agree. I was stunned when I first read Weldon’s “advice” and now Greer is backing her up - it’s hard to believe that these two, who have earned their stripes in the trenches, both agree that this is a good and clever thing to be saying. I’m with Aphra; it’s utter bullshit.
November 24, 2006 at 6:17 pm
I’ve been thinking about this for a few hours and what I’ve come up with is this;
In the context of a very long relationship - where the male half of the partnership has spent a lot of time and effort, during love-making, trying his best to help his partner achieve orgasm, using all the things that usually work well - and where the female half of the partnership, who really wasn’t feeling much like it, due to hormones going a bit doolally, but entered into the spirit of things anyway, just isn’t getting anywhere. Isn’t it just a bit kinder to let the other half think he’s managed to get you there? Because you actually did enjoy the experience, even if you didn’t quite get there, and you love him and don’t want to damage his fragile male ego. I draw the line at getting up to fetch the champagne.
Apart from that, I agree that lying about the whole business isn’t terribly honest - or constructive.
November 24, 2006 at 8:39 pm
>> In the context of a very long relationship …. Isn’t it just a bit kinder to let the other half think he’s managed to get you there?
Um. No.
November 26, 2006 at 11:20 pm
Random Scot, I am sorry I was so harsh yesterday in what I said.
I can, kinda, see the point you are making, and I am sure that some relationships do run smoother on little white lies, but I have a strong preference for being told the truth, and I pay my partners the same compliment when asked.
On the other hand I don’t go around saying how it was for me unless directly asked, and most of the time people don’t ask, do they?
AB
November 26, 2006 at 11:48 pm
Esp. when they don’t want to know.
November 27, 2006 at 12:00 am
There is that. Maybe the reason they don’t ask me is because they know I don’t lie.
*snigger*
(Note to self: practice feminine wiles)
November 27, 2006 at 10:43 am
No harshness detected there, AB. Just a difference of opinion which I think you’re entitled to have in your own blog.
I certainly wouldn’t do a Fay Weldon in telling my partner an outright lie - and have never faked it either. Both of those are a lie too far, if that makes grammatical sense?
But if the question isn’t asked, and it was no big deal anyway, I don’t see the point of going there?
If the question is asked, and it sometimes is, I’d usually answer truthfully but qualify it by saying it was enjoyable nonetheless.
November 27, 2006 at 12:34 pm
Oh! I think we might agree!
>> if the question isn’t asked, and it was no big deal anyway, I don’t see the point of going there?
Absolutely!
>> If the question is asked, and it sometimes is, I’d usually answer truthfully but qualify it by saying it was enjoyable nonetheless.
Agreed. If it was enjoyable of course, I have been a participant in the odd sexual disaster, and when they happen, there’s no way of hiding them.
In fact, I think the test of a relationship is not how good the good sex is, but how good the bad sex is. If you can handle bad sex with grace, good humour and love, then you’ve got a good relationship. I think.